First, I just want to say thank you to the 622 people who follow my blog! Your support means so much to me and I love each and everyone of you. After much consideration, I have decided to cut down on my blogging schedule. I will only be blogging one day a week (more if I feel so inclined) for the foreseeable future. I just have a lot going on in my life right now and my blog is one thing I will have to set aside with how much time is put into it. Another thing that I will be going up is going to SNHU. I really enjoyed my three terms there (still enjoying it since my term doesn’t end until 12/23). I know. This is my second time dropping out of college, but I just have so much going on that I won’t be able to dedicate enough time to it.
This will only be a temporary thing until I move out of my own with my son, Dean. I plan to resume classes with one at a time, so I know that I can put 110% into it. I am so lucky to have a really great job that I worked really hard for and my life is just beginning with this move. I’ve been unhappy and depressed for so long that I’ve forgotten how to be happy and I’ve lost myself along the way. I need time to find myself again and the person that I used to be. I’ve lost her and I miss her. I miss being myself with all of my imperfections and insecurities.
Almost every guy I have ever known has tried to build me into the image of me that they wanted me to be. They didn’t like who I was and instead of just saying it, they manipulated me to be what they wanted. And now that I am finally awake from this personality coma that I’ve been in my whole life, I don’t want to go back. I can’t go back to the way things were before. I want to go out on dates, I want to hang out with my friends, I want to answer only to myself. I want my freedom back, I want my life back. I want my sanity back. I want me back.
And so, I have to take a break from doing things that I love, because it doesn’t give me any joy anymore. I have my eyes set on a prize and I can’t afford to be distracted. I’ll blog when I feel the joy and the happiness it always brought me. And I’ll be here every week. I just currently have zero motivation or energy to even finish my semester out.
Thank you for all of your love and support. If it wasn’t for this blog, I think I would be in a darker hole than I currently find myself in. Its a little piece of sanity in a shaky world.