Lifestyle, My Life, Octoberfest, Writing

Chapter Five: The Makeup (Part 3)

“I believe your exact words were “Because, although it’s obvious you haven’t noticed, I can handle myself” , when I asked you why I should not worry about you because I love you. Do you know how infuriating that is?! That you do not need my worrying, therefore not my love, because that means nothing to you, because you can take care of yourself. Do you know how hurtful that to hear?! To have my love smacked right back into my face. Do you know how that felt? No you don’t! Because you don’t care! You don’t need me or anybody else, Jess. So why are you even here? Why are you even speaking to me? You know how I feel. No one knows how I feel. I opened up to you and I shouldn’t have. Everyone is out for themselves. How could I aspect you to be any different? What you wanted was temporary company. Brooklynn wanted my soul. Lolita wanted my kingdom and power. What is it that you want to take away from me Jess? Brooklynn got my soul. Lolita stole many of my subjects and left me with Shadows. I gave you my heart Jess. What more do you want?”

His eyes looked at her pleadingly. He had lost his cool and broke down to her. A silver tear fell from his eye, before his composure came back to him and he looked stonily at her. He was mad at himself for letting her see him at his weakest. No wonder why she did not want his protection. There was nothing that he could protect her from. He was weak and pathetic. His face crumpled slightly before resuming the cold radiance of an unemotional face.

Jess could not help flinching slightly as his voice rose, but she did not tear her eyes away from him as he continued on with his rant. So people had hurt him before, but others had hurt her as well. Not in the similar sense, but a quite different one she would never share with anyone. She did not even speak until the whole area was quiet for a moment, not wanting to say anything. He was wrong when he stated she did not need anyone, painfully wrong when he stated she did not care about him, his worries or his love. Everything he said about her was entirely true and absolutely false all at once. Why was she here speaking with him? She wanted answers, wanted to know the truth, but more than anything, she wanted to see him. She had been so close to apologizing, too. This probably had a fat chance of happening now. Before, when she was with him, he made her feel alive for maybe the first time in longer than she could remember, but now… now she did not even know what to feel besides coldness and regret. How she always felt.

“I don’t want your soul or your subjects, and what you apparently think how I am and feel about you is stupid.”

She hesitated, finally averting her eyes.

“What I want… it’s obviously not something I can get again.”

His love. Her eyes trailed back to his face, in time to see it change from anguished to emotionless.

“And I’m sorry for that, your past, those idiots that used you. Okay?”

Again, she paused.

“I understand you probably want to take your heart back.”

She added this part quietly.

“Once lost, it can never be recovered. I am soulless, almost subjectless, one power less, and now, heartless. Nothing and no one can change that. Once I give something of myself, I cannot take it back. I am Sith.”

Felix looked up into her eyes with a heated expression.

“I can’t just take it back. I don’t have that kind of power. If you don’t want it…me….then try to give it back, but I won’t take it.”

Felix looked away from her, allowing his face to become impassive once more.

“What do you want, Jess? If what I think about you is wrong then tell me who you are, before it is too late for both of us.”

Jess found herself even more frustrated with this fact, but at the same time relieved, because she really did not want to give his heart back. Even if she could, she did not want to. But this was harder than she wanted to admit. Love was never easy. Realizing she mentally referred to this as love made her pause; as she always believed it was impossible for her to love anyone.

“I want you.”

She finally responded to his question.

“I’m speaking with you because for some reason there’s this ache in my chest knowing I hurt you, and I wanted to apologize but I know that hasn’t done anything because that dull feeling is…still there. I don’t want to be that person who takes your heart and throws it in the dirt. I don’t want to hurt you or pretend that I don’t care for you, because I do care about you…”

She trailed off, because she did not think any of this was helping. In one swift movement, Jess was in his arms as he cradled her. He kissed her neck, delighting in the fact that she was his…forever.

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Lifestyle, My Life, Octoberfest, Writing

Chapter Four: The Fallout (Part 3)

“I just…”

He searched internally for the right words.

“don’t want you to get hurt unnecessarily, is all. I feel strongly for you, Jessica.”

It was the first time that he said her real full name and he leans against the bookcase with ease. His forehead is smooth and clear of any wrinkles, as if he was not worried that she would go against him and speak to Gunner. Jess stared at him as he said this, then sighed softly and crossed her arms. Nobody got hurt unnecessarily in her opinion. She pushed away the side of her that wanted to feel happy that he worried about her, and instead she responded.

“You shouldn’t worry about me that much.”

I’m not worth it, she silently added. Even though, it seemed to her that he was not really worried at all. Heck, maybe he just said that to all the girls he apparently hung out with. Noel smirked lightly at her comment.

“And why shouldn’t I? Give me one good reason why I should not worry about you.”

His eyes studied her face, silently challenging her to come up with something to set himself free of her, but his personal feelings were that she would not find something solid to get him to stop worrying about her. He felt too young for her and felt a few worry lines would make him feel older. Worrying had not killed anyone yet, but since he does not breathe, that was not a problem for him either. Jess did not respond for a minute, a little surprised that he did not know why he did not really have a reason to worry about her.

“Because, although it’s obvious you haven’t noticed, I can handle myself.”

She replied simply, staring at him. She did not like how people—those who did not know what she was, or even did—always looked at her like she was weak. She thought this was how he was looking at her. Felix blinked. Hurt flashed quickly across his features before resuming its default mode: a slight smirk. He felt hurt…wounded…he had never cared for someone before and having his love get smacked right back in his face felt like hell. Like it was not worth s#$t. His eyes lost their warmth as coldness like shadows slid across his features, making that carefree nature just shadow-like it was just a disguise that he was now shedding. He clapped softly at first, then louder.

“Bravo my dear because frankly I don’t give a damn.”

With that, he raised his hand as the shadows swirl around him enveloping him completely, before he disappeared into nothingness. Then faintly, very faintly his last words reach her.

“I cannot believe I actually love her.”

Jess stared at him, gaping a little as he left. She did not really mean to make it sound the way it came out, but that was always the way she lost people, why they always abandoned her. It was her fault she could never connect with anybody. Her fault, that she always pushed them away. It always ended this way, she thought. She stared at the ground forlornly, the sadness that she never showed burning a hole in her, as well as the guilt that she hurt him. Shoving the book back in the bookshelf, she shook her head, mostly at herself. Okay, so he was angry. A part of her wanted to believe that he would probably get over it. But, still… She felt certain that he might have loved her for some reason, but now she knew for certain that he did not love her anymore.

Lifestyle, My Life, Octoberfest, Writing

Chapter Three: Falling Hard (Part 3)

Jess blinked, more than a little shocked to hear him say this. Well, that was new, she thought. Nobody had ever described her as fun before.

“Oh… Why?”

She decided to ask, wanting to know why he thought this when no one else did. Felix almost blushed, but was able to restrain himself and project some of his ice coolness out as he ponders Jessica’s question. He rubbed one of his palms down his pant leg and looked down at her.

“Well, I’ve never had any kind of fun like this my entire life. I usually just played with humans to get my way, but that gets boring really fast and making them do stuff loses its charm quickly.”

Felix got a far-off look in his eyes.

“Jessica, you are so different and special and not because you refuse to drink human blood, which is admirable. Despite your vampirism, you have retained who you were your whole life.”

He slipped into the pool and held her close, his eyes next to hers as his forehead touches hers.

“I’ve never known who I really am, but with you…being…kind….caring…loving…it comes naturally to me, as naturally as being an arse around everyone else. With you, I’m not Sith. With you, I’m just a normal guy in love with a normal girl, even though we are anything but normal. With you, I feel alive. With you…Being with you is like heaven on earth.”

Jess almost gaped, but managed not to. She had no idea that he felt this way or saw her in a different light than everyone else. It felt…nice to not be seen only as what she was, as a vampire, and not who she was. It made her feel that she could tell him anything and he would not judge her. When he basically said he was in love with her, her eyes widened. With him so close to her, her breath caught. She was not even sure how to respond, feeling so many emotions at once.

“W…oah.”

She mumbled, then blushed at how stupid a response that was.

“I-I mean, uhm…”

Usually she knew exactly what to say, but not this time.

Felix smiled slightly, his upper lips lifted in one corner.

“Shut up, Jessica. I’m going to kiss you now.”

He cupped her cheek in his hand and brushed his lips against hers, loving the feel of her lips against his.

“I could get used to this.”

He kissed her again, but this time more passionately and with fervor. Jess’s eyes widened slightly but quickly relaxed again, smiling faintly. She decided she liked this and him more importantly. She really liked him. I could get used to this, too, she thought. When he kissed her again, she smiled against his lips and kissed him back, relaxing against him more. Felix felt her return the kiss and relax in his arms. He pulled away from her with a snarky grin on his face that slowly morphed into something softer.

“We should get going. I thought I heard voices a moment ago.”

He broke the spell, but kept his fingers entwined with hers. Jess nodded slightly and bit her lip, looking around before she climbed out of the water, still a little surprised at what just happened. She dried off with a towel and looked at him.

“Where to?”

She asked. Felix followed her lead and glanced at his watch, which was waterproof. He frowned slightly and tilted his head to the side.

“Normal people would eat dinner at this time but since we aren’t….how about staking out the library for anything I haven’t read?”

He listens to what he had just said and winced.

“Sorry. Old habits die hard.”

He winced again, but kept his mouth shut. She raised an eyebrow and smirks a little.

“Sure, let’s go to the library to scope out what you haven’t read. Which might be alot, due to the length of it.”

She paused.

“Sorry.”

She mumbled, recalling what she had just said.

“Let’s just go…”

She sighed softly and pulled on the shorts she had brought with her before she turned and started walking with him to the library. Noel pondered over her blunder and stopped her with a hand to her arm.

“I don’t get it.”

His face was all serious as he tried to think up the insult her statement would cause and found none. Jess looked at him before she smirked a little, and then laughed slightly. She was not sure whether it was a good thing that he did not get it or not.

“You don’t have to. Let’s just go.”

Lifestyle, My Life, Octoberfest, Writing

Chapter Two: Past Loves (Part 4)

Felix smiled a little lopsidedly.

“Want to do something dangerous and fun? Take your mind off of all the human stuff you used to be able to do? I have an idea and yes, it’s reckless but man, it will be fun.”

He moved his hand away from hers as he talked unthinkingly. He wondered briefly if she will think that what they are about to do was fun or not. Her hand slid back down to her lap under the table as she looked at him a little questioning, wondering what this fun was and if his definition of fun was any different than hers.

“Uhm. Well, it depends what this ‘fun’ is.”

Jess said, raising an eyebrow. Felix shrugged his shoulders and continued to smile.

“You won’t know, until you agree to it. I promise that it will be fun, the human kind of fun, but better because we are not…human that is. Oh, and you need to bring a swim suit ’cause we are going to get wet…very, very wet.”

He bumped his knee against hers underneath the table, trying to get her to smile. She was too serious. Why was she so serious all the time, he thought, All I ever want is to have a lot of fun…especially with the opposite sex. Jess stared at him a long moment before she nodded.

“Okay, fine. I’ll go along with your surprise fun.”

She finally agreed, shrugging slightly. So, if she would need a bathing suit, it had to be somewhere with water, if she was going to get wet, right? Did they not already go swimming, though? Hmm, she thought. She did not really like surprises much, but it was better than being bored here all day so she agreed to it. Felix got up out of the booth and offered her his hand to get up to leave.

“It’s not the ocean, though. We aren’t going there. We’ve already been there. I was thinking more like trespassing into an amusement park for amusement. I don’t think you know of it, but if you do…well…I’d still want to go because I’m not invited. So let’s go to your dorm to get your suit.”

He winked at her full of charm. Jess looked at Felix, smirking slightly at the wink she received as she took his hand and stood.

“Hmm. Not as dangerous as I was expecting, but still sounds fun.”

She said, slightly teasingly as she followed him out of the pizza place and to her dorm to get her swimsuit. As Felix walked out with Jess, he watched Brooklynn’s face for her reaction before calling out.

“Happy Anniversary!”

Lifestyle, My Life, Octoberfest, Writing

Chapter Two: Past Loves (Part 3)

Felix nodded as his eyes looked at the sparkling girl across the room so filled with energy and light as well as life. He observed her, momentarily forgetting about Jess as he studied the girl with brown hair and flashing emerald irises. Felix returned his attention to Jess with a sneer.

“The witch has arrived.”

Jess could not help but smirk slightly, but did not look behind her to see who this witch was he was talking about. She did not have to. From the tone of his voice, it sounded as though he was not quite fond of her, though.

“Fun.”

She said, a bit sarcastically. She had never particularly favored witches much, whether the girl actually was one or not was a different matter. Felix took more of the other girl’s energy and returned the smirk.

“You have no idea.”

He toyed with the other girl menacingly. A darkness Jess may not have known existed started to bubble to the surface of Felix’s attitude, even though his eyes stay locked onto her.

“As you see, I don’t get out much and when I do, trouble always wants to play.”

Jess saw something was wrong, but did not really want to ask, since she was not sure she wanted to know.

“Okay.”

She mumbled, slowly. She did not know what was going on, but did not think he would tell her anyway so she shrugged it off. Felix does not give Brooklynn a second glance as he smirked at Jess.

“You’re pretty, when you’re confused about something. Maybe I should confuse you more often than not.”

Jess blinked. How the heck am I pretty when I’m confused, she thought. That did not really make sense to her.

“That’s…weird, but okay.”

She replied hesitantly. She did not like being confused, though, or people who withheld information from her, so that might be a problem. Felix felt a bit amused from the emotions coming off of the boy who just came in. He was slightly surprised to see him sit with Brook. He smiled sheepishly at Jess.

“We used to be engaged. Guess I’m still a little bitter about it.”

Jess blinked. Engaged? As in, married? What, she thought.

“Oh, okay.”

She mumbled, tapping her fingers against the table absentmindedly.

“Interesting.”

She was a little surprised to hear this, but it really was not any of her business. So, she pretended to act like that was normal and did not bother her, which is should not, did not. Felix cocked his head to the side and laid his hand lightly on top of hers on the table top.

“I wish I knew what you are thinking.”

He sighed and left his hand on top of hers, lightly massaging it with his fingertips and the pad of his thumb.

“Any who, it wasn’t much of an engagement before I found out that my beloved was a liar and a betrayer.”

He grimaced lightly. Jess glanced down at his hand on hers, just this simple touch warming her hand. For some reason, she could not comprehend. It was probably just because her skin was cold all the time, or at least that was what she told herself. I bet you do wish that you knew what I’m thinking, she thought. But you should be careful what you wish for.

“Oh. So it didn’t end well, I’m guessing.”

She wondered how the girl was a betrayer and a liar, though. Felix chuckled to himself.

“You could say that. I thought I was marrying a pretty mortal girl with clean family values; instead her family was a bunch of vampires and an adopted werecat brother. It wasn’t any of that though. She said she was mortal and when I kissed her at the altar, I knew she wasn’t. She claimed not to know what I was talking about.”

He wrinkled his nose in distaste. Jess nodded slowly.

“Sounds…complicated.”

She said finally, unsure how to respond to that. It did sound complicated. Too complicated to get involved in, she thought. She did not do complicated, but at the same time, her entire life was complicated. Not that she would ever mention anything else about this to anybody. Felix just nodded as his eyes never lose contact with hers.

“Do you ever feel? Or is your heart as cold as your touch is?”

He was not being a smartarse or trying to be mean, but it came out kind of cold-like. He hoped she would not take it as such, but hopes were futile. Anyways, he was starting to question her emotions, because it seemed like she lacks many and vamps are usually filled to the brim with them. He personally blamed it on the blood lust. Her eyes narrowed slightly. Well that was a pleasant topic to get into, was it not, she thought. She sighed. It was not exactly a conversation she wanted to get into, but she shrugged slightly.

“I can feel, but thanks for asking.”

She said this last part rather sarcastically.

“Just…”

Just everything felt…, she thought. She always felt cold. But not when someone touched her, it felt scorching hot. Not that she had much experience with that.