Chapter Five: The Makeup (Part 4)

“I care about you too Jess. More than that. I love you. You’re the only girl who makes me feel…anything…emotion at its best and at its worst. You’re the reason I haven’t turn darker than I already am. Since you, I’ve grown something of a conscience. I love you since the moment I first saw you. You are the first and only girl in my life. I thought I would never find someone like you. I believed myself to be unlovable…a monster…with you Jess. I feel alive. I feel more alive than ever. My need has lessened when I’m with you. But…”

Felix cupped her face in his hands as he gazed with love into her eyes.

“I cannot be with you, Jess. It’s forbidden.”

A small smile spread across Jess’s lips as she was suddenly in his arms, exactly where it felt completely right to be. She did not know if she would ever get used to this feeling: being loved and loving someone else. It was strange and she also felt so many emotions she never thought she could feel before him. He was the only person who ever made her feel both angry and joyful all at once. At this moment, in his arms, hearing his words, she realized she loved him, too. She cared about him more than anything she ever had before. It was amazing to her; because everyone who met her thought she was icy and emotionless. But it seemed as though all of these things washed away with Noel. In a way, they were similar. But they were so different all at once. Her smile soon faded from her face at his last words, staring at him in disbelief.

“Why…is it forbidden?”

She asked quietly, already knowing the answer. Felix glanced at her lips before answering.

“Even though, we are technically both dead and immortal. Think of the repercussions. Are there any laws you would be breaking as a lady of the night? I know there are rules I would be breaking as the Prince of Summer. Both accounts would offer our death…permanent death…worse than death if we are together. There is no way for me to become a vampire, but there is a way to change you.”

Felix kissed her lightly before continuing.

“And I won’t risk losing you when I have just found you and have you in my arms. It is dangerous and the vamps would surely shun you.”

A look of recognition crossed her face briefly as he spoke. She would be shunned by the vampires, if they found out about their relationship; the vampires that had always raised her and broke her, taught her the skills she never would have learned without them. If they shunned her, her whole world would collapse and she would be a walking enemy to them. Being enemies of the dead was one of the worst kinds, especially considering all the things they could do to her as punishment. Stab a stake through her heart, ending her second existence, rip her head off, or just send her as a slave for the king of the dead eternally.

“I know. It is dangerous.”

But what if it was worth it? Could they not keep this a secret? These questions rippled through her mind in a never ending stream.

“They would shun me, but…”

She trailed off, biting her lip and averting her eyes. She did not want to admit what might happen if they did not part ways. More than this, it scared her a little how she did not mind what might happen as long as she was with Felix. He took her hand into his own.

“I know it’s hard, Sweetness. There is another option though. The vampires will not shun you if you are still part vampire right?”

Felix did the math in his head, trying to figure out if changing Jess into a changeling is even possible anymore. What if something bad happened? What if he killed her? The one thing he knew for sure was that he loves Jess and would do anything to be with her.

“What if you bit me?”

He asked quietly. Jess, thinking about what he said a moment, raised her eyebrows and nodded slowly, a little unsure of what he was getting at. But then she got it. If she was part changeling and, like he suggested, he was part vampire, and if they both lived—relatively speaking—they could be together. But there were a lot of risks in this and there was always the risk that all of their trials could be for nothing. That being said, they would never know unless they tried.

“That’s a…big risk.”

She said, still shocked that he suggested this. She both did not want to put him through that, and she selfishly wanted to as well. To be with him and to never have to leave him.