Lifestyle, My Life, Writing

Chapter Five: The Makeup (Part 5)

“We don’t need to decide anything right now. We can enjoy our secrecy together for a while until we both reach a decision.”

Felix stated smoothing her hair back away from her face, trying to soothe and calm her of their relationship worries. There would always be other ways. They could appeal to both races. They could run away to a different dimension, but what kind of afterlife would that be? To leave everything one has ever known would be hard and even in a different dimension different challenges would arise. They could not run from their problems every time. No. What they needed to do was to fight for their love. But fighting can wait. Felix just wanted to be with Jess for a while and try feeling normal with her. The ending of their fairytale could wait a bit for all he cared.

Jess nodded, relieved they would not have to decide right then. This was something she would have to think over for quite a little while, something both of them had to seriously consider. But, at that moment, all she wanted to do was wash away her worries of their relationship and focus on her love in front of her. Looking at Felix, she smiled, although faint, and attempted to ignore these thoughts. The whispers still raged on in her head, whispers of denial and pain, as they always did. But this time, when she looked into his eyes, the whispers faded until they were mere breaths of the lost chorus of voices.

“Okay.”

She eventually said and wrapped her arms around him in a hug. She never hugged people much, but this one was…nice…comforting…relaxing. Felix held her close and would have counted her heartbeats in bliss, if she had any to count that is. For now, he just held her and counted his lucky stars that he had found his one and only love. The type of love that lasts a lifetime or in their instance, forever until one of them was either staked or essence-free. Felix murmured something unintelligible into her hair and finally broke the embrace.

“Now that we have forever, what would you like to do now, Sweetness?”

Felix smiled lopsidedly at the nickname he had come up for her that was even better than the generic beautiful or diamond. Jess smiled faintly, still unable to believe that she actually found someone who loved her as much as she loved him, and who cared about her. Actually cared, not someone who acted like they did just to get something out of you or to get you to stop feeling left out or down. Words could not even begin to explain how Jessica felt for him. Even though, they had only known each other for such a short time, that time spent felt like an eternity, which was exactly how long she wanted them to be together. As he pulled back from the hug, she looked at him and said, raising an eyebrow.

“Well… I kind of wanted to do this.”

She had been joking, but that did not stop her from bringing her lips to his in a kiss. It was a short and lingering kiss; the kind she wished could be longer with loving…sweetness. Ironic, she thought. The kind that made her not want to ever pull away, but she did after a moment.

“Okay, now you can choose.”

She grinned slightly.

“Well, you know if you do that I’ll have to reciprocate.”

He said as he twirled her in his arms, dipped her backwards, and brushed his lips against hers. At first, the kiss was light and salty as their lips stay closed. Then, sweeter when he breached her lips, glad that he did not have to break away for air and neither did she. When he finally broke away, his mind was heady with the taste of Jess in his mouth that he could hardly form words in his mind, never mind speak them. So, he admired her beauty and said.

“You really are beautiful you know. The day I met you when I said you were pale and stunning. I meant it.”

He said this thoughtfully, almost as an afterthought he added.

“Although I never knew that you would be this sweet.”

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Chapter Five: The Makeup (Part 4)

“I care about you too Jess. More than that. I love you. You’re the only girl who makes me feel…anything…emotion at its best and at its worst. You’re the reason I haven’t turn darker than I already am. Since you, I’ve grown something of a conscience. I love you since the moment I first saw you. You are the first and only girl in my life. I thought I would never find someone like you. I believed myself to be unlovable…a monster…with you Jess. I feel alive. I feel more alive than ever. My need has lessened when I’m with you. But…”

Felix cupped her face in his hands as he gazed with love into her eyes.

“I cannot be with you, Jess. It’s forbidden.”

A small smile spread across Jess’s lips as she was suddenly in his arms, exactly where it felt completely right to be. She did not know if she would ever get used to this feeling: being loved and loving someone else. It was strange and she also felt so many emotions she never thought she could feel before him. He was the only person who ever made her feel both angry and joyful all at once. At this moment, in his arms, hearing his words, she realized she loved him, too. She cared about him more than anything she ever had before. It was amazing to her; because everyone who met her thought she was icy and emotionless. But it seemed as though all of these things washed away with Noel. In a way, they were similar. But they were so different all at once. Her smile soon faded from her face at his last words, staring at him in disbelief.

“Why…is it forbidden?”

She asked quietly, already knowing the answer. Felix glanced at her lips before answering.

“Even though, we are technically both dead and immortal. Think of the repercussions. Are there any laws you would be breaking as a lady of the night? I know there are rules I would be breaking as the Prince of Summer. Both accounts would offer our death…permanent death…worse than death if we are together. There is no way for me to become a vampire, but there is a way to change you.”

Felix kissed her lightly before continuing.

“And I won’t risk losing you when I have just found you and have you in my arms. It is dangerous and the vamps would surely shun you.”

A look of recognition crossed her face briefly as he spoke. She would be shunned by the vampires, if they found out about their relationship; the vampires that had always raised her and broke her, taught her the skills she never would have learned without them. If they shunned her, her whole world would collapse and she would be a walking enemy to them. Being enemies of the dead was one of the worst kinds, especially considering all the things they could do to her as punishment. Stab a stake through her heart, ending her second existence, rip her head off, or just send her as a slave for the king of the dead eternally.

“I know. It is dangerous.”

But what if it was worth it? Could they not keep this a secret? These questions rippled through her mind in a never ending stream.

“They would shun me, but…”

She trailed off, biting her lip and averting her eyes. She did not want to admit what might happen if they did not part ways. More than this, it scared her a little how she did not mind what might happen as long as she was with Felix. He took her hand into his own.

“I know it’s hard, Sweetness. There is another option though. The vampires will not shun you if you are still part vampire right?”

Felix did the math in his head, trying to figure out if changing Jess into a changeling is even possible anymore. What if something bad happened? What if he killed her? The one thing he knew for sure was that he loves Jess and would do anything to be with her.

“What if you bit me?”

He asked quietly. Jess, thinking about what he said a moment, raised her eyebrows and nodded slowly, a little unsure of what he was getting at. But then she got it. If she was part changeling and, like he suggested, he was part vampire, and if they both lived—relatively speaking—they could be together. But there were a lot of risks in this and there was always the risk that all of their trials could be for nothing. That being said, they would never know unless they tried.

“That’s a…big risk.”

She said, still shocked that he suggested this. She both did not want to put him through that, and she selfishly wanted to as well. To be with him and to never have to leave him.

Lifestyle, My Life, Octoberfest, Writing

Chapter Five: The Makeup (Part 3)

“I believe your exact words were “Because, although it’s obvious you haven’t noticed, I can handle myself” , when I asked you why I should not worry about you because I love you. Do you know how infuriating that is?! That you do not need my worrying, therefore not my love, because that means nothing to you, because you can take care of yourself. Do you know how hurtful that to hear?! To have my love smacked right back into my face. Do you know how that felt? No you don’t! Because you don’t care! You don’t need me or anybody else, Jess. So why are you even here? Why are you even speaking to me? You know how I feel. No one knows how I feel. I opened up to you and I shouldn’t have. Everyone is out for themselves. How could I aspect you to be any different? What you wanted was temporary company. Brooklynn wanted my soul. Lolita wanted my kingdom and power. What is it that you want to take away from me Jess? Brooklynn got my soul. Lolita stole many of my subjects and left me with Shadows. I gave you my heart Jess. What more do you want?”

His eyes looked at her pleadingly. He had lost his cool and broke down to her. A silver tear fell from his eye, before his composure came back to him and he looked stonily at her. He was mad at himself for letting her see him at his weakest. No wonder why she did not want his protection. There was nothing that he could protect her from. He was weak and pathetic. His face crumpled slightly before resuming the cold radiance of an unemotional face.

Jess could not help flinching slightly as his voice rose, but she did not tear her eyes away from him as he continued on with his rant. So people had hurt him before, but others had hurt her as well. Not in the similar sense, but a quite different one she would never share with anyone. She did not even speak until the whole area was quiet for a moment, not wanting to say anything. He was wrong when he stated she did not need anyone, painfully wrong when he stated she did not care about him, his worries or his love. Everything he said about her was entirely true and absolutely false all at once. Why was she here speaking with him? She wanted answers, wanted to know the truth, but more than anything, she wanted to see him. She had been so close to apologizing, too. This probably had a fat chance of happening now. Before, when she was with him, he made her feel alive for maybe the first time in longer than she could remember, but now… now she did not even know what to feel besides coldness and regret. How she always felt.

“I don’t want your soul or your subjects, and what you apparently think how I am and feel about you is stupid.”

She hesitated, finally averting her eyes.

“What I want… it’s obviously not something I can get again.”

His love. Her eyes trailed back to his face, in time to see it change from anguished to emotionless.

“And I’m sorry for that, your past, those idiots that used you. Okay?”

Again, she paused.

“I understand you probably want to take your heart back.”

She added this part quietly.

“Once lost, it can never be recovered. I am soulless, almost subjectless, one power less, and now, heartless. Nothing and no one can change that. Once I give something of myself, I cannot take it back. I am Sith.”

Felix looked up into her eyes with a heated expression.

“I can’t just take it back. I don’t have that kind of power. If you don’t want it…me….then try to give it back, but I won’t take it.”

Felix looked away from her, allowing his face to become impassive once more.

“What do you want, Jess? If what I think about you is wrong then tell me who you are, before it is too late for both of us.”

Jess found herself even more frustrated with this fact, but at the same time relieved, because she really did not want to give his heart back. Even if she could, she did not want to. But this was harder than she wanted to admit. Love was never easy. Realizing she mentally referred to this as love made her pause; as she always believed it was impossible for her to love anyone.

“I want you.”

She finally responded to his question.

“I’m speaking with you because for some reason there’s this ache in my chest knowing I hurt you, and I wanted to apologize but I know that hasn’t done anything because that dull feeling is…still there. I don’t want to be that person who takes your heart and throws it in the dirt. I don’t want to hurt you or pretend that I don’t care for you, because I do care about you…”

She trailed off, because she did not think any of this was helping. In one swift movement, Jess was in his arms as he cradled her. He kissed her neck, delighting in the fact that she was his…forever.

Lifestyle, My Life, Octoberfest, Writing

Chapter Five: The Makeup (Part 2)

Her eyes fell on the blood that was trickling down his hand from the thorns in the rose. She was not going to say that she actually got tired of being alone after a while, but instead she crossed her arms and frowned slightly. Why could he not be alone? It was odd. In a sense, though, she was never really alone either.

“Yeah… It’s awesome.”

She replied blankly. Felix nodded slightly before dropping the blood slickened rose from his fingers. It hit the pavement, splattering it with droplets of sunlit blood. He licked his fingers healing the self-inflicted wound.

“Maybe we could be alone together some time to get away from mortal company.”

Felix said offhandedly. His heart still bleed from the last wound she had inflicted, but since then, he had it steal plated against her, returning it to its unfeeling state.

“But I really must cause that innocent’s ruin. She still believes that the world is all rainbows and butterflies. It’s annoying and irritating.”

Jess looked down and watched the rose fall from his fingers, then glanced back up at him at the suggestion.

“Maybe.”

She said, hesitantly. She knew their last meeting had been anything but pleasant, and she was more cautious around him now. Actually she had always been cautious, but now, she was even more so.

“Oh. What fun her life must be.”

She muttered sarcastically. Felix stood up and shuffled his feet as he stuffs his hands in his pockets in order to hold himself off from hugging her.

“Sickening, actually.”

Felix’s accent became thick and husky as he whispered in her ear.

“She’s no you.”

Before she could react, he was several feet ahead of her and walked away. Jess watched him as he treaded closer to her, raising her eyebrows at his words. She had to stop herself from swaying closer, feeling the short distance between them and missing it as he walked away again.

“Right, because I’m so sure I am different than any of your other play toys.”

She muttered sarcastically. Felix kept on walking and glared at the shrubbery. His reputation would always precede him. A long line of jilted lovers had ensured that. Irritated, Jess’s eyes narrowed automatically at his back, and she turned and crossed her arms, beginning to walk away. Sighing, Jess turned back around and watched his retreating figure. Knowing she would probably regret continuing a conversation with Felix later, she decided to go ahead and say.

“I want to know something.”

She did not know if he would turn around or walk away. Felix paused, neither turning around nor walking away. His back stiffened ready for a verbal as well as physical attack that could be fast approaching. He cleared his throat before venturing into speech.

“Yes, Sweetness.”

He smiled a little before letting it drop, remembering how fast she dropped him. Jess rolled her eyes at the sweetness remark.

“Why are you so…”

She trailed off, biting her lip. Aggravating? Annoying? Why was he so irritating that he could both annoy her like no one else and want her to be with him? She did not want to say this, but instead, decided to ask him something else that had been bugging her a lot, ever since the library.

“Why are you so mad?”

In an instant, he was in front of her. His eyes were alive with fire.

“What anger? The anger I had before you or after the talk in the library?”

He tried to calm down, but the heat waves coming off of him was a good indicator that he was not in control of his anger. He stared into her eyes. His nostrils flared with disgust…or was it regret? It slipped out of his expression just as easily as it had appeared. Almost involuntarily, she took a step back out of instinct. She shook her head slightly, out of confusion, because she really did not know why he was angry with her. It did not make any sense.

“The anger right now.”

She muttered, eyes narrowing.

“You have no reason to be angry. All I said was I can protect myself, and somehow this offends you?”

As irritated as he felt but for different reasons, she shot a glare at him, tired of the charade. Felix clenched his fists as she glared at him.

Lifestyle, My Life, Octoberfest, Writing

Chapter Five: The Makeup

Having grown bored of the dreary atmosphere that seemed to follow her constant pacing, Jessica decided to wander around an area unfamiliar to her, a hat now on her head, even though it was barely even chilly outdoors. As she was walking along, her gaze found an achingly, somewhat well-known figure in the short distance and it only took her a mere moment to realize that it was Felix, and with him was some strange girl. Her eyes immediately narrowed at the sight, a pang of jealousy thrown at her. But she forced these feelings aside and glanced away. Felix felt her presence long before he spotted her in the corner of his sight. The hole where his heart should be rang dull with pain. He twirled another rose in his hand unknowingly changing its color from bright yellow to black, matching the mood of his thoughts. Even though she glanced away briefly, her eyes still caught the rose changing color before she did this.

A small sigh escaped her lips, but she did not look at him again as she continued walking, forcing herself not to shoot a death glare at the girl he was with. That was more challenging than she anticipated. The rose dropped from his nimble fingers as she passes. It turned to ashes before it even hit the ground. In that same moment, in one fluid move, he stood up as if to follow her, but his feet moved no farther as he traced her being with his eyes, trying to remain neutral…unchanging…as he watched her. His fingers flexed so that he clenched them into fists, so that they would not reach towards her. Something made Jess stop treading and turn around to face him, maybe a little farther than she would have hoped. Her eyes found the girl again at first before studying Felix’s expression. His facade showed no signs he wanted her to leave nor did he want to particularly speak with her. Her lips twisted into a smirk, and she did not know what made her say it, but she asked.

“A friend of yours?”

Really, it did not sound like a question at all. Jess watched the girl leave, raising an eyebrow. It appeared the girl was either intimidated by Jessica, a little annoyed, or awkward. She was not sure which, but did it really matter? She came to a realization. Oh, great. Now I’m alone with Felix. Fun, she thought sarcastically. Felix shrugged as Cleo got up.

“It is good to know that you will jump ship at the first sign of trouble.”

Felix glanced at Jess.

“Not a friend of mine. A friend of mine would never abandon me like that, even if I had the plague and I’ve had the plague before so I know what I am talking about. Plus, she could never understand me. She’s too simple. Too naive. Too unassuming. Too innocent, but she would be a pleasure to corrupt.”

Felix’s lips twisted into a sinister grin. Jess stared at him, her expression showing nothing of the emotions she was feeling as she crossed her arms.

“Okay.”

She said slowly, unsure what else to say to his little speech. She let out a small sigh, but paused slightly at him saying corrupting Cleo would be fun. Her eyes immediately narrowed into a glare.

“Right. Of course.”

That was all she said, through gritted teeth. Felix enjoyed the emotions coming from Jess as he hurt her the way she hurt him.

“So, how do you like being alone?”

He asked innocently.

“Are you enjoying your strength and your ability to need nor want anyone who wishes to help?”

Felix manifested another rose. Jess rolled her eyes at him, still frowning.

“Being alone is awesome. I enjoy it immensely.”

She replied, raising her eyebrow as though challenging him to say different.

“I see you have trouble being alone.”

“I am never left alone.”

He said softly as he twirled the rose the color of Gawd between his nimble fingers. The thorns tore into his flesh, but he paid them no mind as trickles of golden blood flow over his hands and black stripes soon follow. His blood was black-gold. His two sides manifested. The darkness and the light. He looked up at Jess calmly.

“I’m glad you are enjoying your solitude. It sounds pleasing to be without mortal company for however long it pleases you.”